A TEENAGE LOVE CALLED LUST

“Too often people forget they’ve been through hell until the heat lights up again”.

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teenage love called lust LUCY EMMANETTE ALIEU (@LEA)

He’s just the perfect kind of guy. Tall, handsome, has a good job and the most brilliant guy I’ve ever known. He is a legendary!

Don’t get it twisted I’m telling this story for a friend.

I had just entered university at an early age and he was my senior. I liked him. That’s not an offence but y’all are going to think that was my offence.

We live in a society where the truth is a lie and the lie is justice. A society where it’s okay for a guy you’re not dating to touch you comfortably on/at sensitive areas. A society where you being defensive means you’re acting perfect and strong for the wrong reason. A society where they say lies against you to justify their wrongs. A society that I love so much because it’s my home.

I got pregnant in my first year in Uni. Believe me it wasn’t my fault. But wait, in this my society it is my fault. I was raped! Yes! Don’t tell me I’m just throwing shades but that’s just it. He raped me.

You’ll want to hear our love story but it wasn’t a good one. More of lust than love. What was I thinking? I wasn’t supposed to be dating at that early age and stage of university especially knowing he was years ahead and the most brilliant who had everyone’s attention (girls highly not excluded).

Well its possible one will say for college lovers to get wedded but it all depends if both parties are serious enough. Maybe fate gets it wrong sometimes. There are many brilliant guys who are not focused in life.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying this because our love story didn’t end well. I’m saying there are brilliant and handsome guys who follow the wrong lead and get their lives twisted in failure at the end of the day.

I liked him but honestly, I was going to keep myself for my husband and our wedding night.

So, we went on well as the normal relationship drama goes. There were oppositions and friends who always said ‘you two will make a fine couple’. (Well most girls feel good hearing that coming from the male squad, Our Wife) lol.

There are many challenges with going into a relationship in an early age. So many things you’ll start doing that you’re not supposed to do. Most times parents would say if I had known the things I know now at your age, I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I made”. Well truth said and it is popularly said “the old man that sits sees farther than the child who stands”.

I was quick to forgive him because I needed inclusion; well not after I realized I was pregnant. Rumors spread around fast. I dropped from college. I grew dark and bitter with regret. The man who raped me has denied my pregnancy and is now dancing wild on the lap of another woman.

I found out he had three children already and mine was going to be forth.  At his young age of twenty eight, God! I was scared. How can I face my friends and family? I came from a single parent family, my mum working the hell out to give me a little better life. She trusted me so much and this is how I paid her back. Crying myself to sleep was now a norm. I had to carry the burden alone, cold and bitter. I was frustrated and had no one to tell and left on the fence with whether or not I should get rid of it.

Went to the doctor thrice, I couldn’t do it. Damn. I couldn’t fix my mess. No wait. Our mess…no! His mess. I tried calling him again, ha; now I’ve been blacklisted. Solid! He clearly showed he didn’t care. I realized. So, I stopped calling.

Going forward; I told my mum everything. It was a bitter experience. She scolded, in fact e beat me. She was maddddddddd. I understood her frustration but the mistake had been done already. Our house became haunted. We couldn’t face each other. I blustered in shame and him in regrets; well the feeling of how this had happened under her nose was the killer.

Seven months later, I gave birth to a jelly type bouncing baby girl, looking exactly like the idiot who’s been denying her. Serves him, right? I hated his face and now that feeling of disgust was moving to my baby.

Filled with joy, love, and jolly all in one place. I cried out my hate, embracing the only remembrance of my mistake. It’s tough! I can’t cope with the hate from my family, my dad ignoring me, and being a teenage mother. How was I going to survive this? It’s one of those days were society itself wished you were dead.

To cut a very long story short, I survived it. People intervened and the idiot was brought to the table.  Both families came to an agreement and his family has accepted to be cooperative in taking care of my baby. Well, that seemed okay in words. The first six months was a success until they left him with his responsibility it became another issue.

One unfortunate day after tirelessly calling and harassing him for the baby’s monthly allowance, he called me to meet at his house. Reluctantly I went. (My going there was so he didn’t have grounds that I was the one responsible for not collecting the allowance). As usual, it’s either a girl leaving or a girl coming. That was literarily his way of life.  Society will say it’s a normal thing for a guy, you know, a good-looking man-up juicy handsome foolish guy (I don’t even know if that sounds it for my guys out there but you know the kind of guy I’m talking about). That’s just immaturity and an irresponsible behavior of a guy without focus.

Well Fast forward; I’m now in his house, standing by the door so he gives and I leave. He approaches me again. Hands reaching to my face. ‘If you touch me eh ar go slap you’ I shouted. Relax, he said. Ar nor dae eat you. I want to leave, if you’re going to give the money just give it, I want to leave. You can imagine… now he’s acting all man up in front of me but I hated him the most.

He came closer and whispered, “I can do whatever I want to my baby mama and there is nothing you or anybody can do about it. As for now everyone believes you’re obsessed with me.

WOW! I sighed! Clapping my hands as if I was really ready for battle but trying to find a suitable escape route. I kicked him in his penis trying to runaway but man! I got caught. Immediately I began screaming for help but no one came. Afraid that my mistake had come back to haunt me. It happened. Again… He raped me!

I told his family; I told my mom but it resulted to settlement. ‘Wi beg wi beg’ that was all it took for my virtue to be compensated.

 I couldn’t face myself. Let alone find someone to talk to. Is there something wrong with me? Thoughts kept coming, depression triumphed over me. I was frustrated. Just can’t say I fed my child with love; I haven’t known how that tasted in years. But I hope this disease won’t infect her childhood memory. Society beckoned that I be strong, for my child, for my family and for my future. There was nothing I could do about that. Till date my mistake was meeting the wrong person at the right place.

But today, I’m that girl who’s continuing her education trying to get her life together and still wanting his attention, want him to see that she’s all grown and getting her life together, that my baby is fine and I’m now in a very serious relationship with a sober minded guy who I see as a mentor spiritually, mentally and in every facet of life. I now know love and he is helping me with “the wait”. (Keeping it together till marriage).

But meanwhile I hope she doesn’t mess up again,

I hope she fully realizes herself; I hope she doesn’t get lost in need for attention because to a point she might miss the fact that the only attention needed is hers.

“Too often people forget they’ve been through hell until the heat lights up again”.

LUCY EMMANETTE ALIEU (@LEA)
LUCY EMMANETTE ALIEU (@LEA)

Writer|Poet| Audio visual editor| Media and Communications| Content creator

Instagram @emmanette_alieu
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I’m a freelance writer of fiction and non fiction, articles etc. I present and create contents for vlogs, tv and radio. A poet and spoken words artiste, who enjoys playing with audio visuals, editing videos, creating jingles.

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